The Return of the Millennium
by ALilyPea
Summary: Chris has returned to the WWE to find that not all is good as it should be. His life has completely been turned upside down and he's not sure what to do. Matt is happy finally, Shawn is practically blissful. Oh and his ex? Hates him. ON HOLD!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own nor have I ever claimed to own any of the WWE or TNA stars in this fic.

Author's Note: This is inspired by Chris Jericho's imminent return. I hope you all enjoy it and the many pairings and musi that sprung from my head as I was writing. If you have livejournal shoot over to my profile and add my writing journal as a friend, which is under the name rabidtazwrites. Everything I write gets put there first.

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Chris Jericho generally didn't get nervous. He hadn't been nervous when he'd gone to Mexico, or when he'd first started wrestling in Japan. He hadn't even been nervous when he'd first come to the WWE and heard the Y2J clock count down to zero before he was supposed to walk out and interrupt Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. He'd been all over recently, doing book signings everywhere without knowing if his book would do well without WWE backing or not, yet it had, a New York Times Best Seller in fact. But now, as he made his way from the underground parking garage into the arena for the first time in two years he was not only nervous but completely and utterly terrified. It wasn't that he thought the fans would reject him, or be disappointed to see him. He was more worried about the reaction of the boys in the back, in the locker room. Would they react well to him when he had basically turned his back on them in the past? 

Taking a deep breath Chris reached out and rested his hand on the door handle for a moment, as though he were waiting for it to open on its own. He'd regretted not contacting anyone, but when he was burnt out on the business he was burnt out. Keeping his sanity had meant distancing himself from every facet of the business no matter what; Chris hadn't really been thinking about what it would cost him in relationships with people who he cared genuinely about.

"You're kind of in the way, standing where you are Chris," The melodic husky voice of Shawn Michaels said from behind him. "Regretting your decision?" He questioned, not even waiting for the younger wrestler to turn around.

Chris pivoted, opening the door for Shawn he followed him in, unable to stop himself from smiling at the legend. Something about Shawn's honesty always managed to make him smile or laugh, despite the fact that sometimes he didn't have anything nice to say. "I'm not regretting my decision per se, I'm just regretting the way I ended certain business here." He walked alongside Shawn, hands shoved into the pockets of his well worn jeans.

Shawn nodded slowly, "I'm sure anyone who really cares, and knows you well will understand why you felt the need to cut them out of your life for a little while," His voice was smoother now as it always was when he was about to impart some nugget of wisdom. "You aren't the only person to get burnt out in this business, hell you're considered lucky if all you have to do when you burn out is not see people for a little while. If there are people who don't understand that what you did was for your own mental health they aren't worth your effort, or your time. And most likely they don't belong in this business either because then when they burn out they'll end up getting in some trouble."

"And you Shawn?" Chris asked, turning his head to glance at the other man. "Do you forgive me for ignoring your e-mails and calls?" He tilted his head to the side.

Smiling Shawn reached over and clapped him on the shoulder, "Look at it this way," He told him. "I didn't have to listen to your insane ramblings at two am when you got some idea for a match that you just had to share with someone."

Chris laughed and looped his arm around Shawn's shoulders pulling him in close he playfully dropped a kiss on Shawn's temple, affectionate as always. "Well I'm back now Shawn, and it's your job, as the gossip queen of all three shows to let me know what's been going on in this little world of ours," He smirked knowing the older man couldn't resist spreading the word about anything, good or bad.

"Okay then, Mr. New York Times Best Seller, let's adjourn to my locker room and we can have a long talk about what you've been missing since your left. Lucky for you, no one who shares it with me will be here for awhile," Shawn led him down the hallway and pushed open a door, gesturing for him to follow.

Smiling happily Chris dropped down on the couch, "Start with the people you regularly hang out with and move on out," He suggested, tapping his index finger on his chin.

"Hunter is still happily pretending to be married to Stephanie McMahon and helping her take care of their baby girl. Kevin and Scott are back together in TNA, the Kid is wrestling around the country but is clean while doing it which is a big accomplishment. David is still one of the most hated men in the locker room merely because he's shy," Shawn ticked off named on his fingers. "Mark is still mooning after a certain someone, it's to the point of being somewhat disgusting."

Chris nodded, smiling when he heard about Hunter and Steph's baby, the grin only widening when Shawn mentioned Kevin and Scott as well as Sean. "So what about you Shawn? Who are you with nowadays?" He arched an eyebrow, studying the superstar.

"I don't think you've ever met him, but you do know me too well Chris. I've been with this person for almost six months or so, despite the brand extension," Shawn smiled, and Chris' expression lightened, his friend before he'd left had seemed almost ready to break down, the grueling schedule had been something Shawn had never gotten used to.

"Riight, so who is he?" Chris asked, eager to know who could make the Heartstopper's eyes look so filled with happiness.

"Me," A soft voice replied from the doorway, a smile lighting the darkhaired man's face when Chris swiveled around to look at him. His hair, almost black it was such a dark brown was nearly shoulder length, his face looking tired. His dark eyes that Chris had never seen not filled with solemnity on television were bright and lively as he made his way to sit beside Shawn, moving automatically into the legend's side as though gravity itself dictated he'd be there.

"Hi Shawn," He ghosted his lips across Shawn's, the metal of his lip ring scraping across the older man's bottom lip. He didn't seem like one for public displays of affection, but Chris was clearly a cross friend. Turning back to Chris he extended a tattooed hand and smiled crookedly, "Nice to meet you finally Chris. My name is Phil," He greeted.

Chris shook his hand quickly, looking back and forth between the two of them his eyes were almost comically wide as he studied their mannerisms, Shawn's hand now gently massaging Phil's inner thigh in a touch that wasn't sexual, but somewhat soothing. "You're dating CM Punk?" He couldn't help but sputter out. The WWE most certainly was a different place from when he'd left. He scrabbled in his memory and was able to vaguely recall CM teaming with DX at one point, but because he hadn't been in contact with Shawn, or anyone at the time hadn't known there'd been anything more to it other than a storyline.

"Really Chris, he likes to go by just Phil when he's not in the ring," Shawn smirked, unable to find some kind of amusement from his friend's complete and utter shock.

Phil curled slightly, resting his feet on the table in front of them his head lowered to Shawn's shoulder as he peered over at Chris, his dark eyes no longer holding any emotion at all. "Do you have a problem with me?" His voice was level, and despite his position Chris had no doubt in his mind that Shawn and Phil's relationship was an equal partnership. It wasn't something he'd ever seen Shawn have for that matter.

Chris shook his head hastily, protests already spilling from his lips. "No I have no problem with you, from what I've heard you're a very nice guy. A very nice guy with upstanding morals and such, made better by your lifestyle. I just never expected Shawn to end up with someone like you, to be honest I always thought he would end up with one of the Kliq." He nearly smacked himself on the forehead, for some reason when he was nervous it was quite hard for him to not babble.

Shawn chuckled, the sound noticeably causing a reaction in both men, Phil smiled and Chris visibly relaxed. "It's alright Chris, you're not the only one surprised by this, Hunter was about ready to have a heart attack or something when he found out. Then Kevin grilled poor Phil for about a half hour before it was deemed okay for me to date Phil by everyone."

Studying Phil and the look of adoration on his face Chris' smile widened, it wasn't the adoration of a fan, it was the adoration of a lover, and soul mate. "I'm happy for you in that case; if you can stick around through one of Kevin's sessions then it must be love." He leaned over Shawn to pat Phil on the shoulder lightly, and dropped a kiss on the Heartbreak Kid's face.

"And what about your love life Chris?" Shawn asked, turning the tables on his friend he couldn't help but be amused when Chris' face immediately adopted a look of horror. "Have you talked to him yet?"

Chris sighed, running his hand through his hair, not for the first time missing its former length. "No I haven't, not since I said goodbye…" He trailed off. Although his lover hadn't been in WWE when Chris had left he'd still be quite hurt by Chris not discussing it with him first. "I tried calling him for a little while, but he really just didn't want to talk to me. How is he doing anyway?" He averted his eyes from Shawn's.

"Better than he was, he's got a good network of people willing to help him out now, willing to cover his back," Shawn responded, feeling uncomfortable as he could practically feel several different emotions radiating off of Chris. "I'm sure he'd be happy to see you," He told him.

Scoffing Chris shook his head, "I think it would be healthier for both of us if I didn't see him, or at least didn't seek him out, I don't want to screw up his life if he's doing well. I already did enough of that for both of us, no point in trying to turn back time."

"He really is doing better," Phil piped up, obviously having been informed of the goings on of Chris' life before he'd left the business for two years. "I room with him sometimes, and he's really got his life on track. Of course it helps that he's too polite to do drugs in front of someone whose straight edge, and that the wellness policy is firmer now."

Relief flooded Chris at the mention of drug use, or at least a diminished drug use from his former lover. "I'm glad to hear that. I never understood why he felt the need to do that in the first place," He went to speak again only to be interrupted by a knock on the door, one of Vince's assistants poking her head in the door.

"Mr. Irvine, Vince would like to speak with you," She told him politely before ducking back out of the room.

Shawn smiled kindly at him, "Well it seems like we'll finish this conversation another time Chris, and believe me we will be talking more about this," He shook his fist mockingly at the younger wrestler and winked slyly.

Chris stood up and smiled at both men, "I'm really happy for you Shawn," He avoided the subject at hand and made his way out of the dressing room. As he walked down the hall he kept his eyes on the floor, his mind whirling with thoughts he couldn't control, until he bumped into someone and stepped back. His eyes widened as he saw who he'd run into, "I'm sorry for running into you, wasn't watching where I was going."

"Always with your head in the clouds," Jeff Hardy smiled at him, the expression almost hesitant, purple locks of hair falling into his eyes. "Or are you planning out your next book?" There was a slight sting to his words, his eyes hooded and not showing any emotion.

Managing a feeble smile Chris shook his head, "Trying to plan my promo for tonight, while on my way to meet up with Vince." He explained needlessly, it had been awhile since he'd had to explain himself to anyone, much less Jeff but here he found himself doing it again. "It's really good to see you again Jeff. You look great, the new piercing…and the tan." He could remember lying in the sun with Jeff curled against his side…He reached out without thinking.

"I'm sure it is good to see me again, I really wish I could say the same," The typically gentle Southerner's tone was caustic now as Jeff stepped back away from Chris' almost touch. "I have to go rehearse for my match tonight, I hope you'll understand if I don't stand around mooning after you like everyone else has been." He took another step, hazel eyes now filled with fire. "I'm sure you understand, I wouldn't want to interrupt your life or anything." He turned and continued down the hallway.

Chris watched him go, feeling pained. Maybe his return wouldn't be the best thing after all, at least not in some people's eyes. He sighed, wishing for days when instead of a glare he'd receive a bright and loving smile from that beautiful face.

A door a little ways down the hall opened and heavy footsteps made their way towards Chris, a hand falling onto his shoulder. "Is everything okay Chris?" He turned to look up into Vince McMahon's smiling eyes and managed a weak nod, wishing he felt as confident as he acted.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: This chapter came along easier than I thought it would. Thank you to Hairpull xox Snapmare for reviewing as well as sXe Straight Edge sXe. I appreciate it it I really do. And thank you to SunnyLee for adding me to your alerts even without a review ;) I like reviews as much as I like food, and right now I'm malnourished. Keep that in mind readers. The next chapter will be slow as my birthday is coming up which means I've got to clock family and friends time.

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Chris Jericho lay on another bed, in another nameless over expensive hotel room staring at the ceiling. Despite his imminent return to the WWE all he could seem to think about was his rainbow haired ex-boyfriend, snarling at him in the hallway. It had been so uncharacteristic that Chris was still in shock. The younger man even when he'd gone down a bad path had always been nothing but nice and considerate to Chris. Feeling guilty had become second nature to Chris since leaving the WWE but this was much worse, much deeper. He'd managed to hurt someone he cared for deeply, so much so that his former love had lashed out at him. He was at a loss, was there even anything he could do to make it up to Jeff? At least he could rest assured knowing that despite his distraction his meeting with Vince had gone well despite his distraction although he was pretty sure that his boss was now concerned deeply for his sanity after he'd babbled his way out of the meeting early, practically tearing out of the office.

Hearing a knock on the door he sighed and got up to answer the door, opening it he wasn't surprised to see Shawn standing there with his lover. "Hey guys c'mon in," He told them, stepping aside so the men who seemed attached at the hips could sidle past him and into the room. "How's it going?" He asked, heading back to the bed and flopping down on it he sighed softly, still not feeling too happy even seeing two of his favourite people. Especially now that he knew Phil had passed the Kevin test.

Shawn perched himself on the edge of the bed, patting Chris' leg gently he smiled at him, "I just decided to drop in on one of my best." He responded nonchalantly even though Chris didn't believe it for a second. "So how are you doing?" He asked, wrapping his arm around Phil's shoulders when the young wrestler sat down next to him.

"I'm doing well, the meeting with Vince went well," Chris responded, propping both of his arms behind his head he sighed softly. "He says that this run should be just what the company needs to get a boost in the ratings, of course that doesn't mean there has to be any pressure on me or anything." He rolled his eyes, practically already feeling the weight of Vince's expectations on his shoulders.

Shawn looked sympathetic, squeezing his leg this time. "I heard about what happened in the hallway with Jeff, that he was pretty harsh with you when he saw you." He told Chris bluntly, there was no point in pretending any longer that he wasn't there to check on his friend's emotional well being. "I'm sorry; I really thought he would be happy to see you. I mean, he didn't seem bothered by it when he first heard that you were coming back."

Chris sat up; pushing himself back he leaned against the headboard. "It was pretty…harsh. But no less than what I deserved, I just couldn't believe the emotion coming from him, I've never seen Jeff like that ever." He ran his hand through his hair causing the spikes to become messier than they had already been.

Phil spoke up, "People always change when they've gone through something hard Chris, and I know you don't want to hear it but you're expecting him not to change and to be perfectly okay with you leaving the company suddenly when he was already negotiating to come back is not fair to him at all." He bit his thumbnail slightly, studying Chris with dark eyes.

"He was planning on coming back?" Chris sounded aghast; this was the first time he'd heard about that. "He never told me, I mean…you'd think he would tell me something like that, we were still together then even if our relationship wasn't too stable at the time." He twisted his hands in his lap, feeling jittery and anxious now, how much had been going on that he didn't know about while Jeff was away?

Gnawing on his lip ring Phil seemed to be torn between revealing more and telling Chris the truth, "He was just starting to get help, and had been talking to Vince about it. He wanted to surprise you; it was his idea of a grand gesture. Apparently you really appreciated those, something about being a true romantic I think he said."

Chris groaned flopping back he didn't even care when his head hit the headboard, despite the sharp pain that emanated through his skull rapidly. "I can't believe I'm such a fucking tool." He rubbed his hand over his eyelids, realizing he really had screwed up massively. "I can't believe I was so completely selfish and awful, why didn't I listen to him?"

Shawn sighed softly, and turned to scrutinize him, squeezing Phil's hand slightly, "Why didn't he listen to you? If you ask me neither of you are at fault here Chris, you didn't listen to his needs and when you did it was too late and it wore you down completely and then he didn't realize you were worn down and wanted you to keep doing something that probably could've killed you in the end. I've seen it happen before; you know that, hell it almost happened to me."

Phil made a noise that sounded somewhat choked, moving closer into Shawn's side he slipped his arm around the older man's waist, grasping slightly. He usually wasn't needy at all, but the thought of Shawn not being there with him, even after how much of a fight it had been, was truly upsetting to him. "I wasn't trying to blame you Chris; it's just what he's thinking right now."

Chris nodded, "I understand that. I just feel like it's my fault that I could've done so much more in the first place." He sat up, grabbing his cell phone. "I think I want to go talk to him," He decided, standing up he shoved his feet in the shoes.

Shawn stood up as well, slipping away from Phil's arm. "Are you sure that's the best idea? I mean, after what happened in the hallway, are you sure he'll even want to see you right now? Maybe you should give him some time." He seemed genuinely concerned, not wanting to see either of the men get hurt.

Shaking his head Chris made sure he had his key card he slipped it into his pocket, looking around the room to find his jacket. "If I don't do this now I might never get him back, I need to get him back. It's like he's my addiction Shawn and I can't let him go," He responded, feeling conviction in that statement.

"Just don't fall in too deep Chris, I worry about you," Shawn hugged the younger man gently, patting him on the back before he stepped back. "You have other good things in your life, just remember that, and people who love you. We don't want to see either of you get hurt so I hope you know what you're doing in stirring this all up again."

Meeting Shawn's eyes Chris could see a seriousness there he'd never seen before and it almost stopped him dead in his tracks, "I don't want to get hurt Shawn, but you've always told me that pain is a part of living in this world and sometimes it's the only thing you can feel. Well being without him for the past two years all I've really felt is pain and I'm honestly sick of it. Now I want to feel something more, something sharper. Like I did when I saw him in the hallway, it was like everything I'd been through recently fell away and he was just there, and Shawn he looks so damn good and you didn't tell me."

Shawn couldn't help but smile slightly, "I guess I wanted you to see for yourself, to be proud." It was just like Chris to be enraptured with just the mere appearance of Jeff, even if the Carolinian was snarling at him in anger.

"I am proud of him, and I have to let him know," Chris nodded rapidly, clearly convinced that this was the answer to everything that this was what he had to do.

Phil couldn't help but smile as he clapped Chris on the shoulder, feeling proud of Chris for realizing he had to go talk to Jeff even if he didn't say it. "Well if that's what you have to do then go do it, we'll get out of your room. Besides someone promised me room service," He nudged Shawn gently trying to get him moving.

"Alright, we'll go," Shawn submitted to his lover, kissing Phil's cheek he waved to Chris as they all headed out the door of the hotel room and he and his lover headed in a different direction from Chris. He squeezed Phil's hand gently, kissing the back of it. "I'm sorry if you feel you've gotten dragged into this babe, I never meant for that to happen."

Opening the door to their hotel room Phil shook his head in amazement, he'd always been told that Shawn was selfish and caustic, not someone he would want to be around but it was allies, at least now it was all lies. "Shawn listen to me okay? I knew when I was starting to date you that you had a tight knit family that you had the Kliq and that if I wanted to be with you I would have to deal with all of them. I don't mind sharing you, and I love them, it's like having a family of my own. And they're always there for me, always ready to help even me. I haven't had that in awhile, and I never thought I would have it here. I had it before, in ROH and in TNA but here, it's supposed to be so cold and impersonal, but I feel like I'm at home when I'm with you at the ranch and the rest of the boys are there."

Shawn smiled at him, "You really do have a soft side don't you Punk?" He nudged Phil just barely and walked to the bed, lying down on it he reached for the room service menu, flipping through it idly. He couldn't help but feel warm, and cared for when Phil crawled toward him on the mattress and curled up against his side.

"I do," Phil confirmed, kissing him softly on the lips, strands of black hair falling in both their faces. He pulled back, "I don't want room service right now Shawn." He told him in a soft voice, almost a stage whisper.

"Oh?" Shawn sounded intrigued, pulling the elastic from Phil's hair he threaded his fingers to it, "Could I help you work up at an appetite?" He asked, chuckling hoarsely, he could feel his nerves teeter on the edge, he loved Phil, he really did and every time they demonstrated it physically to each other it was like it would be their last. It always made him anxious.

Phil laughed softly as well, his lips already ghosting along the exposed skin of Shawn's throat, "Oh most definitely…"

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Chris paced back and forth in front of Jeff's door, his hands shoved deep in the pockets of his jeans as he did so. He didn't know what to say, or do. He could still see the look on Jeff's face from when they'd run into each other in the hallway; it hadn't been a nice look, but rather one of twisted pain, almost grief. It was despair at its finest. And he had caused it, but now it was time to make it all better. He raised his hand and knocked on the door, taking a step back he waited patiently, holding his breath when it swung open.

Of all the people Jeff had been expecting to see at his door, Chris was not one of them. It was a surprise that was for sure, and not necessarily a welcome one. "What do you want?" The words, filled with anger were out of his mouth before he could stop them. "I thought I'd said all I have to say to you in the hallway earlier." He hadn't of course, but it wasn't like he was going to tell Chris that. He had so much more to say but didn't want to be seen as weak.

"You may have said all you had to say to me, but I have a few things of my own that I'd like to say to you," Chris responded, easily sliding past Jeff and into the hotel room. He was surprised to find it so clean; everything seemed to be in place, not the usual ordered chaos he found in Jeff's rooms in the past. It seemed like when the younger man got things into order, he really worked at it in every aspect of his life.

Jeff scoffed, shutting the door and following him into the room, "What do you possibly have to say to me Chris? Goodbye maybe? Because I don't think I got one last time. It was more like, the phone calls just fucking stopped." He crossed his arms over his chest, feeling hurt and oh so conflicted and this wasn't right because Chris shouldn't be able to make him feel like this anymore, and he looked so damn good.

"I know Jeff, and I am sorry for that. I just didn't know what to do, you were so damn lost to me back then Jeff," Chris sat down on the couch, gesturing for Jeff to join him, his hand trembling due to his desperation. All he could hope for was Jeff to listen to him, and not toss him out of the room on his ass, not that he would've blamed the younger man. If he were in Jeff's position he would have punched himself in the face by now, but despite his anger and his extreme nature in the ring Jeff had always been a rather gentle person.

Sitting down slowly, and at the opposite end of the couch Jeff nodded slowly, crossing his arms over his chest against as if he could protect himself by doing it. "Fine, talk, but that doesn't mean I'll forgive you," He responded, even though they both knew it had never taken him much to forgive Chris.

"Alright, that's all I ask for," Chris took a deep breath, looking down at his hands as he rubbed them on his knees. "I didn't know how to deal with you, and I know that sounds awful, it is awful and something I regret a whole lot." He took another deep breath and closed his eyes, just taking the moment to relax. "See Jeff, I can remember when I realized you were going under. You slipped out of bed one day and I realized you were in the bathroom taking something, I don't know what it was and frankly I don't want to know but I realized that you weren't going to be okay anytime soon because the Jeff Hardy I knew had never taken any drugs, other than the occasional joint. The fact that you were willing to do so, while on the road with the company no less spoke volumes, and the fact you tried to hide it from me was even worse."

Jeff inhaled sharply, his cheeks flushed with shame he looked down at the floor, his feet shuffling. He wasn't stupid enough to think Chris hadn't known, it had been the object of many of their arguments toward the end but he'd never been able to actual say it. "Doesn't mean anything you could've said something," He muttered uncomfortably.

Chris laughed the sound caustic and filled with hurt. "What could I have said to you Jeff? "Oh honey, I'm so glad to see you again, my match last night was really good did you see it? Oh and by the way I know you're a drug addict."'

Rearing back almost as if he were struck Jeff felt pain radiating through him like he'd never felt before, his hands trembling. He supposed it was naïve of him to think that Chris hadn't known even though neither of them had said anything outright. Whenever they'd actually fought about it they'd used different words for it, Chris just wanted the "truth about what was going on" and for Jeff to "admit there was something wrong and get help." They'd never actually used the word drugs, as though they were afraid if they said it out loud it would actually be true. He'd always hoped that Chris would think it was casual drug use, which was rather stupid of him he knew, but couldn't help it.

"I don't know…maybe…" Jeff responded, tucking some hair behind his ear. "Maybe that was what I needed to hear, some kind of acknowledgement that you knew I was in trouble, that you were willing to help me." It was futile he knew, because Chris would've helped him in a moment's notice if he'd bothered asking. "Didn't mean you had to break off with me, without a word Chris."

Chris hated the way Jeff seemed to be radiating pain, and shame all at once. It was like his ex-lover was nothing but suffering rolled into a ball, and it was entirely his fault. He swallowed the guilt he felt threatening to make him sick, "I know what I did was wrong, and I know that you were planning on coming back when I left, that you'd gotten some help. I'm sorry Jeff…but I couldn't." He breathed deep, the air hitching in his throat before breaking through, causing a choking sound. "I wanted to help you so bad, but being here without you, and hearing you in so much pain was beginning to drag me down too, I couldn't handle it and I burnt out so quickly I didn't even realize it was happening until Shawn told me he was worried I was going to die in the ring. I didn't want to have to admit that to you, that I was so weakened by you being gone."

Jeff stood up, pacing slightly he ran a hand through his purple hair; stopping in front of Chris his eyes were hard again. "Well I got help, and I'm better now. So you don't have to worry about me anymore Chris, I'm not your concern." His voice was clipped, and that was good because then Chris wouldn't be able to see his heart in his eyes, wouldn't be able to see how much he just wanted to get down on his knees and take the older man back. "I can't be your concern anymore I'm sorry."

Standing up as well Chris looked into his eyes and smiled slightly, "Not even friends Jeff?" He asked, making an effort.

Hesitating Jeff took a step back, hating himself for it. He wasn't weak like this anymore, not in front of Chris. He shouldn't be moving away from him, but he couldn't move toward him either. It was a tug of war he'd been involved in with himself since he'd first heard Chris would be returning, "I don't know."

Chris grinned, and it was a hot, bone melting grin. It was the same smile Jeff had hated, then later loved to see, so arrogant and confident and he knew it was only a front before but now it seemed to be real and he didn't know what to do because his knees were quaking. "You'll be my friend again Jeff, I know you will. And as for everything else, you're going to find it pretty damn hard to get rid of me, because I'm not letting you get away from me like I did during my first run. We're both back, we're both on Raw and we've got time on our sides. I'm going to get you back if it kills me." He kissed Jeff's cheek in a gentle manner so different from the cocky harshness of his voice before striding out of the room.

Waiting until the door was closed Jeff stumbled over to the couch and sat down, bringing a hand up to his face he laughed, an edge of hysteria lingering in the noise. He didn't know what to do, and it was pure panic fuelling him now, but yet he found it so damn amusing. He knew Chris liked big gestures but damn…This was about to get complicated.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note:** I'm really sorry that this took so long. It took a turn in my head that I didn't expect which you will see somewhat in this chapter, but even more in the next chapter.

**Thank yous:**

**SunnyLee**: I'm really sorry I didn't exactly update soon but hey at least it's an update right?

**JeffAndShannon: **Yes the plot does thicken, and in this chapter it thickens even more! DUN DUN DUN.

**HairpullxoxSnapmare: **Don't worry, things will happen, you'll get to understand poor Jeff maybe a little bit more in this chapter. But by the end you might not like him. But I threw another couple in for good measure. I'm really glad you liked Phil/Shawn together, they came out of nowhere but are quite enjoyable and will prove to be quite helpful.

**Levin: **How could I not write a little note for you? Thank you so much for the input on this chapter. I hope to have the fourth, which I've already started writing, up next week.

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Chris knelt over him, pinning his arms over his head as he marked him, biting just slightly into the flesh of his neck, marking him he lapped at the sensitive skin, a smirk on his lips. It was so good, such a heady feeling of nothing but pure and dizzying pleasure. It had been so long since he'd felt this good, two years passing by at a snail's pace and now Chris was moving faster and it was so damn delicious.

Jeff Hardy opened his eyes, immediately turning off the alarm clock. He couldn't believe this, the fifth night in a row he'd dreamt of Chris. It was even beginning to affect him when he was awake. Several times he'd found himself wanting to walk over to the golden haired man and kiss him. He couldn't of course, not anymore because Chris had stopped being his the moment he'd begun stupidly ingesting drugs. He couldn't fool himself into thinking it was anything else, but that didn't stop the irrational anger he housed for Chris.

Slipping out of his bed Jeff went to shower, changing after he immediately picked up his bag and headed out of the hotel room bumping immediately into the one person he least wanted to see.

"Hi Jeff," Chris greeted him, his body automatically heating up when he saw the other man. All he could think about was how gorgeous Jeff was. "How are you doing?" He asked, genuinely concerned as Jeff seemed to be really off today.

Jeff felt irritation well up in him at Chris' tone of voice and before he could stop he was speaking, "I'm not high if that's what you're asking," He snapped, almost recoiling at the sound of his own voice. Since when did he talk to anyone like that, even if that person had hurt him in the past? He opened his mouth to apologize when Chris held up a hand to stop him.

"I appreciate the honesty." Chris smiled easily. "My reason for asking if you looked….really frustrated or something," He explained, a fire igniting within him. This wasn't his Jeff, but he liked him just the same, there was a passion behind those stunning eyes that hadn't been present in a long time, not since at least five years before.

Feeling himself flush Jeff felt like an idiot, Chris couldn't know, couldn't tell how he felt…could he? "Oh yeah," He cleared his throat. "I haven't been sleeping well," He explained, tucking some hair behind his ear.

Chris nodded, taking note of the dark circles under Jeff's eyes. He was telling the truth, and Chris felt awful that he was studying Jeff as though waiting for him to slip up any minute now. That wasn't fair, and he knew it was wrong as he'd heard from several people, including Shawn, who would know that the young man was doing well. "I'm sorry to hear that, is there anything I could do to help?" He asked.

Jeff's cheeks grew redder and he turned his face away. "Not really," He muttered, even though he wanted to tell Chris that he hadn't been sleeping due to dreams of them, writhing between the sheets together. He could never be that honest. Especially where his former lover was concerned, he couldn't believe the thoughts running through his head. He really needed to get out of here, get some air and rethink this whole trying to be friends with his ex thing.

"I'm sorry Chris but I gotta get going, I've got things to do." _Things?__ Is that the best you can come up with? _Yes indeed, Jeff did feel like he was going completely insane at times.

Wanting to grab Jeff's wrist and stop him Chris resisted the urge, his hand clenching in his pocket he realized he didn't have any control over his emotions when Jeff was near, and he didn't know what to do. He seriously didn't know what the fuck was wrong with him, he couldn't do this, couldn't try to go after Jeff when the other man wasn't receptive to the idea. He walked down the hall, finally making his way into the hotel restaurant he looked for a free table smiling when Matt Hardy waved him over.

"Hey man how's it going?" Matt asked, standing up he gave Chris a manly hug clapping him on the back. "It's good to see you back in the grind again."

Chris dropped down in the chair, happy that Matt wasn't treating him the way Jeff just had but then again the other man had always tried to see both sides of every argument. Well most arguments anyway, "Its going alright, how have you been doing lately?" He leaned forward in his seat, studying Matt. He seemed a little bit haggard, almost like he hadn't been sleeping that well.

Matt shrugged his shoulders, "I don't think I can really complain," He responded softly, spearing one of the sausages on his plate he took a bite out of it. "How are you feeling, being back here again?" He questioned, diverting the subject quite easily. He'd found he was actually quite good at it by now.

"It's harder than I thought it would be that's for sure, I don't know why but for some stupid dumbass reason I thought that everyone would accept me back with open arms or something," Chris responded running a hand through his hair. "I ran into Jeff," He told Matt, his voice hushed as he knew there were ears nearby that would love the latest bit of gossip. "It was interesting to say the least." He informed the older brother of his former lover. Chris knew that Matt wouldn't care, wouldn't take sides as the other man would always be a good sounding board for everyone who he cared about.

Matt reached across the table and patted his arm lightly, shooting him a quick smile. "I heard about it, not just from Jeff too. It seems you two are quite the attraction," He responded. "I'm sorry that he was so harsh with you," He sighed softly, running a hand through his hair. "He just…he's a different person now."

"I've noticed," Chris leaned back in his chair, managing a tight smile. If Jeff was even acting different around Matt this was going to be a lot harder than he expected. He would definitely have to enlist some help, "So how have things been going between you and a certain Dead Man?" He asked him.

Flushing slightly Matt shook his head, "Nothing's going on between me and Mark, nothing's ever been going on between the two of us." He sighed softly; looking down at the table he traced a pattern in the table cloth.

Chris groaned in disappointment, "Are you kidding me Matt? You've been completely in love with him for years. This is ridiculous." He stood up from the table. "Pay for your meal and let's go," He told him, his firm tone brooking no further argument.

Matt put some money on the table, more than a little flustered he stood up and followed Chris out of the restaurant. "What are we doing Chris? Well what are you doing?" He asked, used to the other man's schemes but he was unsure as to what this one even was.

"We are going upstairs," Chris responded, grabbing his hand he led him into the elevator and pushed the button, tapping his foot on the floor as he did so.

"And you are going to tell Mark exactly how you feel about him, and I don't care if I have to carry you into his damn room and tie you to his bed myself. I am so sick of you mooning over him; it's getting kind of pathetic." He crossed his arms over his chest.

"You promised me you would tell him two freaking years ago Matt," Chris gave him a disappointed look, arching an eyebrow. "What stopped you?" He'd had Matt nearly convinced before he left that it would be for the best if he would just tell the older man how he felt.

Matt shrugged his shoulders, his cheeks flushed, "I just couldn't do it. I'm not good with this kind of stuff, I'm really not." He responded, it was a constant source of frustration for him, that he couldn't just tell people exactly how he felt and what he meant. Instead he usually ended up standing in front of Mark grinning like a love struck idiot.

"Well you are going to tell him, do you want to live out the rest of your life with what ifs?" Chris asked his friend, rubbing his back gently. "I don't think you do. Do you?" He knew how it felt to have regrets more than anything, he regretted so much from before he'd left the business the first time and most of it had to do with

Taking a deep breath Matt shook his head, "No, I don't want to be that person, I don't think anyone does? Do you know what room he's in?" He asked, prepared to do this alone.

Chris grinned widely at him and slapped him on the back, "Good for you," He told him. "He's in room 398, go get him Matt, and try to keep that goofy smile off your face when you see him, it's kind of…scary. I think it might even intimidate him," He teased lightly, unable to stop himself from doing so. The older Hardy boy was just too easy to get to at times.

Matt shoved Chris playfully, "Shut up man, it's not like it's something I can control." He couldn't help but smile just the same. He'd definitely missed Chris and his playful demeanour while he was gone, even though he had to listen to his little brother gripe and complain about the other man at almost every opportunity. When the elevator doors opened he shot Chris a look and smiled back at him before heading down the hallway, his spine straightening. Matt could do this, it'd been years in the making and all he needed was a push in the right direction.

"You can do it," Chris called out before pushing the button to his floor, allowing the doors to clothes. He hoped that Matt actually got the guts to do it because he really did want to see his friend happy, especially if he couldn't be.

* * *

Finding Mark's room Matt raised his hand then stopped, doing it again before he began pacing back and forth making a noise of surprise as the door swung open and the man in question was standing there looking at him with a quizzical expression on his face. He'd be confused to if he found a lost wrestler hanging outside his room and Matt most definitely was feeling lost.

"Is there something you need?" Mark asked, arching an eyebrow he leaned against the door jamb studying him intently. He couldn't help but be amused, knowing that the younger man had feelings for him for awhile.

Matt turned to look at Mark, loving how hot the other man looked in a pair of jeans. "You," He blurted out before he could stop himself. He slapped a hand over his mouth, his cheeks flushing in embarrassment. "Oh dear lord, I mean…that is…I've gotta go." He turned to flee down the hallway.

Reaching out quickly Mark grabbed his arm and reeled him back in, turning the younger man to face him. "I think you and I need to have a little talk," He told him, pushing the door open behind him. "In," He ordered.

Feeling more than a little meek in the face of the man with such a large presence Matt nodded, making his way into the room slowly he twisted his hands together. Here he was Matt Hardy, one of the most popular superstars and he couldn't even face the man he'd loved for more than four years now.

"So what do you want to talk about?" Matt responded, pushing his hands into his back pockets.

"Sit down," Mark told him; gesturing to the couch he sat down as well after getting two bottles of water. When Matt sat down beside him he put one in front of him. "I wondered how long it would take you to come to me, two years more, three even." He leaned back in his seat, glancing over at Matt. "I'm a very patient man Matt, but even you try my patience."

Matt opened the bottle of water and took a long drink out of it, sighing softly when he was done. "You knew how I felt?" He asked, swallowing heavily. Was he going to get his ass kicked now? No, Chris would never purposely lead him into a dangerous situation, although…the other man could be quite blond at times.

Mark smirked at him, "Of course I knew, I'm not stupid Matt," He replied, his voice as soft yet powerful as ever. Matt had always admired how the other man could command silence with a single soft spoken word; it was one of the many things he loved about Mark. "The way you would blush whenever I talked to ya or the cute little smile on your face whenever you try to talk to me."

Looking at him Matt's mouth gaped, "You think my smile is cute?" He asked, his cheeks flushing slightly.

Unable to resist Mark laughed softly, "Yeah I do Matt," He responded, reaching over he pulled him close. "And you know I was losing patience, because maybe I felt the same way about you," He looked into Matt's eyes.

"God your eyes are gorgeous," Matt murmured softly before the weight behind Mark's words sunk in for him. "You feel the same way? You…You love me?" He asked, his voice cracking slightly, as though he was scared to even ask the question in fear of the answer.

"Is that so hard to believe?" Mark asked him, "You are loveable." He stroked his hand lightly down Matt's cheek. "Anything you have to say to me now Matt? After all these years…"

Matt smiled at him, almost shyly he moved the slightest bit closer, "I have nothing to say," He responded before boldly pulling Mark close and kissing him on the lips almost hungrily, all the desperation and loneliness of the last few years getting to him.

Mark returned the kiss, easing him down onto the couch he nipped at his bottom lip, pulling the ponytail holder from his hair he splayed his large hands through the other man's hair. He growled softly when Matt wrapped both arms around his body pulling their bodies close together; when he pulled away he stared down, green eyes filled with amusement. "For not having anything to say you sure just said a lot."

"I'm good like that," Matt laughed softly, brushing his own hair from his face. "I wish I'd done this years ago." He murmured wistfully, clearly yearning for the time lost between them. "We would've had so much more time together."

Sighing Mark shook his head, "I'm not going anywhere right now or anytime soon, so why don't we start by making up for lost time?" He asked, lowering his mouth to Matt's once again.

* * *

Walking back toward his room Chris felt like all the energy was drained from him, his steps becoming heavier, his soul seeming to weigh him down. He didn't know how much longer he could go on like this, without his lover. It was physically exhausting, physically draining for him and he could hardly hold his head up.

"Chris? Are you okay?" A familiar voice asked before Chris' eyes rolled back in his head and he fell backward in the hallway, hitting the floor with a thud.

"Oh my god, Shawn come quickly," Phil called back into the room before he moved toward Chris, checking him for head wounds from where he'd hit the floor. "Chris, Chris wake up," He patted the blond man's cheeks gently, trying to wake him up.

Shawn hurried into the hallway and helped him lift Chris, carrying him into their room they cleared off the spare bed which was covered in their stuff as they never used it. "Chris wake up," He shouted, trying to get him to open his eyes he placed his hand on Chris' wrist and checked his pulse. "His pulse is racing, like he's just wrestled an hour long match or something."

Opening his eyes slowly Chris looked around the room and his body shuddered when he realized his former lover wasn't there. He would most likely never be there again, "Need Jeff," He said hoarsely before he passed into the darkness once again.

Phil glanced up into Shawn's eyes, nodding. "You go get Jeff and I'll stay here with him, I'll try and wake him up and find out what's going on."

Shawn kissed him softly on the lips, and touched Chris' forehead quickly before he jogged out of the room hurrying down the hall toward the elevator. If he had to drag Jeff Hardy back to his and Phil's room by his hair, he definitely would. He was sick of the younger man trying to run away from his problems, especially when it caused everyone else such pain and discomfort. It was time for Jeff to face his past, and Shawn was just the person to make him do it. He would not allow the two of them to destroy each other at any cost.


	4. Chapter 4

Title: The Return of the Millennium

Fandom: WWE

Rating: R to be safe

Pairing: Mark Calloway/Matt Hardy, CM Punk/Shawn Michaels, past Jeff Hardy/Chris Jericho

Summary: Chris has returned to the WWE to find that not all is good as it should be. His life has completely been turned upside down and he's not sure what to do. Matt is happy finally, Shawn is practically blissful. Oh and his ex boyfriend Jeff? Well he hates his guts.

* * *

Phil generally was a calm and patient person, even in a crisis. However having Chris Jericho for reasons unknown passed out on his and Shawn's bed was testing even his own calm nature. Inside he knew there was something major going on, something bigger than he could handle especially on his own. He couldn't even explain what he was feeling; it dwelled in the pit of his stomach, twisted and growing by the minute. He took a deep breath, calming himself down.

"Get back soon Shawn," He murmured to himself. "Please get back soon," He looked around the room trying to find something to occupy himself with during the wait. His eyes moved quickly back to Chris when he moved and Phil leaned forward in his seat.

"Chris, Chris are you okay?" He asked keeping his voice soft just in case the blond hadn't actually woken up.

"I'm okay." Chris answered quickly, "What's up? Where am I?" He sat up, his voice guttural as if he hadn't used it in days. "What happened?" He sounded lost like a little boy in the supermarket without his mother.

"You don't remember?" Phil tried to keep the alarm he felt out of his voice to avoid frightening Chris.

Chris frowned, fighting to remember. It became clear within a few minutes and loneliness flooded him, his eyes widening to what would be a comical pace if it weren't such a serious situation. "Jeff," He whispered to himself softly, almost forgetting that Phil was in the room with him.

"Shawn went to get him," Phil replied resisting the urge to rub Chris' back to comfort him. Their friendship was still new and he wasn't sure if such touches would be warranted between the two of them. "He'll be here soon."

Chris nodded slowly, seeming fuzzy and unfocused as he attempted to understand what was going on. "I didn't mean to cause any drama," He told Phil, his voice feeble and almost weak.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Phil responded, resting his hand on Chris' shoulder and squeezing lightly. His nervousness, which had gone away, came back when he noticed Chris seemed almost sallow and definitely seemed sickly, it was disconcerting.

"Is there anything I can get you?" Phil softened his voice slightly almost without even realizing it, unsure of what to do. He was getting the inkling that this situation was much more serious than he knew of, he didn't know what to say or do to make Chris feel better because he didn't even know what was going on but didn't feel that he knew Chris well enough to last.

Smiling Chris nodded, "Water would be great," He closed his eyes slowly, drifting into sleep rather quickly. It was obvious he was exhausted.

* * *

Shawn walked down the hall as quick as possible, his anger at the whole situation growing with each step and the closer he got to the door. He didn't care what excuses Jeff would try to give him, or anything the younger man would try to sell him because he was getting really fucking sick of feeling like he had to walk on egg shells around two of his close personal friends, both of whom he had loyalties to and had helped at one point or another. It was getting to be a real pain in the ass, like any other. He was only thankful that Chris had taken care of the situation between Mark and Matt otherwise he was going to end up cracking some skulls together.

Reaching Jeff's door Shawn pounded on it, not caring when people began poking their heads out of doors to find out what was going on.

"No worries people, not a big scene here. I'm just trying to get the little jackass out of the room," He told several people cheerfully, including a rather rumbled looking Matt Hardy and Mark Calloway. "Oh hey guys, Matt do you have a key?" He asked, gesturing to the door.

"Yeah I do, what do you need him for?" Matt pulled his wallet out of his pocket and slipped the keycard out handing it to Shawn.

Shawn sighed, he really didn't want to have to explain this to everyone and his or her mother what was going on and why he was demanding that Jeff come to the door.

"Chris passed out," He told the two men, gnawing lightly on his thumbnail. "He asked for Jeff, and I'm beginning to think that there is something really serious going on so here I am sick of everything and I'm going to drag your brother there by his goddamn hair if I have to," He explained fully, pushing the keycard into the door just as it flew open.

Jeff looked worried as he stared at Shawn, "Did I just hear you say that Chris passed out?" He closed the door behind him as he stepped out of the room and into the hallway. "What happened? Where?" He questioned, his voice coming out rapid and thin, like he was on the verge of panic.

"He was in the hallway, Phil said he just kind of slumped down onto the floor," Shawn answered, gesturing down the hallway to the elevators. "He asked for you and I don't give a damn what you say I'll drag you there myself because I think something is seriously wrong or was seriously wrong and that's why he left."

Nodding Jeff sighed, dragging a hand through his hair. It was not as if he was going to object, not when it might be something serious. He had admitted to himself that he still loved Chris, that he would most likely always love Chris. It was just a matter of figuring out how that worked and what it meant for him and most likely for Chris because he knew while he felt this way they could never be just friends.

Mark looked at Shawn, one of his oldest friends in the business and could practically see the worry and anxiety over this whole situation seeping from his pores. He turned to Jeff, sighing softly at the anguish on his face, and squeezing Matt's shoulder lightly with one large hand, giving him the support he would need to be strong for his little brother for the moment.

"We'll come with you," Mark said softly, slipping his arms around Matt's shoulders easily and brushing a soft kiss along the top of his head.

Shawn managed a slight smile in Mark's direction knowing that his friend would be a great support, rocklike nearly for all of them but especially Matt who would be needed to deal with Jeff.

Jeff who was already heading toward the elevators at a pace that would make anyone with short legs cringe. "I don't care whose coming but let's go," He called down the hall back to them, pushing the button impatiently.

Hurrying after him the three men got into the elevator once it opened, each of them concerned about Chris for different reasons and each of them feeling some sort of crushing doubt about the health and safety of their friend. It would take a long while to repair the damage done between Jeff and Chris but Shawn couldn't help that despite the fact that something bad might be happening that bad news, like that which had pushed them apart could not serve to bring the two of them back together again.

It didn't take them long to reach the room especially at the pace Jeff was setting for them and the door opened almost immediately as they reached it revealing a very relieved looking Phil.

"Thank god," He murmured, not caring when Jeff rushed past him. "He asked for a glass of water then went to sleep. He seems like he really needs it so I didn't want to wake him up or anything but I figured when you guys got here he would. I don't have any answers as to what is going on and I didn't know whether or not I should call a doctor or something." Phil explained to Shawn, Matt and Mark.

Mark frowned nodding slowly as he glanced past Phil to the bed noting that Chris seemed to be almost the same colour as the white sheets which he was lying on which was rarely, if ever a good sign. "Anything else?" He asked Phil, his voice gruff.

"He looked sallow, before he collapsed. He also couldn't remember that he had collapsed or where he was but then that seemed to change," Phil ran a hand through his hair, gesturing for them to come in. Although he'd not hung out much with the other men they were rather affectionate and he could see himself getting along with each of them.

Jeff moved over to the bed slowly, well aware of the hush that seemed to fall over the room as he did so. He sat down on the edge of the bed, hesitating momentarily before he picked up Chris' left hand and held it loosely before he pressed it between both almost hoping that the gentle pressure would wake his former lover.

Chris shifted slightly, seeming to recognize the strength of the person holding his hand and his eyes fluttered open slowly, a small smile lighting his lips.

"Jeff," He breathed, blue eyes almost glittering as he looked up at the younger man. "You came," He remarked, the smile spreading across his face a little more, "I didn't think that you would," He admitted.

Frowning Jeff should his head, "Why would you think that?" He asked, resisting the urge to cup Chris' cheek and stroke it especially with the other man looking so pale and drawn. That wasn't his Chris, lying there on the bed and it was almost physically painful to see him like that. His Chris was vibrant and sarcastic to the point of cutting.

"I may be cold at times but Jesus Christ Chris you passed out in the hallway. Who knows what might've happened to you," He squeezed his hand not wanting to think of that. Some crazed fan, or a tabloid. Anyone that Chris had pissed off in the past really. "You're just lucky Phil was there that's all."

Chris nodded, licking his lips slowly and picking up the water with his free hand taking a long drink before he spoke again, "Yeah, that hasn't happened in awhile I have to say," He remarked as though it was nothing to pass out like that, a normal every day occurrence or something which for most people it truly wasn't.

"In awhile?" Jeff fought to keep his emotions in check, swallowing reflexively as he looked down at Chris. "What do you mean this hasn't happened in awhile? What the hell is going on Christopher?"

Chris smiled for a second time, glancing down at their joined hands. "I didn't really leave the WWE for the reasons I'd said before," He murmured softly, feeling a shamed blush heating his cheeks. He should've been honest with his friends, with his lover. "I got real sick; I didn't even realize what was happening to me at first because my body was always hurting, the aches, and pains of wrestling four nights a week and the constant travelling. I went to see a doctor," He stopped talking looking up at them.

Jeff looked hurt, and it cut through him like a knife through butter, quick and easy to feel. He knew he'd made a mistake in lying to him, to all of them. And the truth of the matter was Jeff had been in trouble then too, he had been sick too and there was nothing Chris could've done to prevent it, in fact he thought he would've probably made it worse for his lover.

"How sick were you?" Shawn asked, breaking the moment of silence. He looked concerned, his brows drawn down with worry as Phil quickly clasped their hands together and squeezed, not saying a word he just tried to support his partner.

Taking another drink of water Chris pushed himself up, "It is leukemia," He said softly, unable to look at anyone in the room.

Jeff pulled his hands away from Chris' and bowed his head, pressing one hand to his forehead for a moment as he tried to figure out what he was thinking and how he felt about this. It hurt; it hurt in the same way that he had hurt when he had found out his mom had died.

"Well…" He said softly, looking at Chris. "Treatments are good now, I mean you're obviously in remission or you wouldn't be back, you wouldn't be able to wrestle so that's good. I mean, you could live a leukemia free life," Jeff hated how hopeful his voice sounded but one of them needed to see the bright side of things.

"No Jeff," Chris responded, sounding choked. "It's reoccurring. I am in remission now but this isn't just acute leukemia," The words felt strange to say aloud, he'd gone so long without talking to anyone about it. "I came back because I don't know how long I have without it, and my life will definitely be shorter. It is called chronic myelogenous leukemia and I can have a normal life, to an extent. This is my definitely of normal. I just forgot to take my pills today which threw off my body chemistry."

Jeff looked down at the floor, his world seeming to spin momentarily. Shit like this was not supposed to happen to people like Chris; it was supposed to happen to people like him who had devalued their own lives by fucking it up. Chris had always tried to take care of himself and everyone else around him.

"If you need us," Shawn said, stopping after he spoke. He didn't know that it would matter. How could it matter when someone was given a life sentence that could end at any moment, executed by their own body.

"We're here," Mark finished for him, pulling Matt closer he felt the need for him to be there, to be close.

Jeff felt anger rush through him, "You didn't think I could handle this could you? Instead you made me feel like shit about my choices when really you just didn't want me to have to see you sick. Well guess what Chris relationships do work both ways and I can't believe you wouldn't allow any of us to have time with you when you weren't sure if your life was going to end soon." He stood up, pain in his chest. His heart hurt. "You are so…how…" He paused gathering himself and stepped away from the bed, heading to the door.

Finally, "How could you? I love you." He whispered hoarsely, his hand tightening into a fist. "But right now…I can't stand to look at you. You don't get to make choices like that for people Chris, how would you like it if I'd done that to you." He pushed past Mark and Matt heading out the door.

Shawn immediately headed after him but stopped when Chris called his name, "But Chris he…"

"He needs time. I mean look what I just dropped on all of you, it's not fair," Chris told him, standing up on uneasy feet he shook a two pills out of a bottle from his pocket and downed them.

"You're right and so is he," Phil spoke softly, unable to feel nervous anymore when every set of eyes in the room swung to him. "It wasn't fair of you to do that to your friends. I know it must be hard, to deal with that and not want people to feel obligated to stick around but you can't just remove that choice from their hands." He gnawed on his lip ring lightly.

Chris nodded, "I know that now," His voice was calm and level. "I saw the doctor yesterday so don't worry too much you guys, so far I'm doing really good. The best I have in about three or so years and it's an amazing feat. I'm one of the lucky ones alright; I want you to remember that."

They all nodded slowly, trying to process the information they had just been given but it was hard. It was hard to learn that someone they cared about, someone they admired had had to endure something like that alone. It was a testament to his strength and character if nothing else, being able to persevere through the pain of a disease that attacked the very blood and bone that ran through their body. Most people would have given up but he hadn't.

"I think perhaps we should all go be alone, and that Chris should try and find Jeff in a little while although right now I'd say he needs some rest," Mark decided for all of them. It was true, after hearing news like that it wasn't too hard to say that everyone should be with the person they loved the most and at that moment he couldn't wait to just have some time with Matt in his arms whether they were doing something truly physical or just trying to process everything.

Chris smiled, relief visible in his features as Mark took charge of the situation. The last thing he wanted to admit after telling them all the truth was that he needed some rest but he did. He still tired easily and would need to find Jeff, to fight to explain and to fight in the first place he needed enough energy to do so.

* * *

END NOTE:

Before anyone asks, yes I do know someone who has this particular type of leukemia and yes they can do normal every day things after treatment and with continued treatment. Of course it helps if you were in good physical condition before diagnosis as well. Chris would be able to wrestle if he were to have this condition just as my cousin is able to train for a triathlon.

This is my tribute to my cousin Andre, to his strength and courage in the fact of a beast more terrifying than any in a film or book.


	5. Chapter 5

Title: The Return of the Millennium

Fandom: WWE

Rating: R to be safe

Pairing: Mark Calloway/Matt Hardy, CM Punk/Shawn Michaels, past Jeff Hardy/Chris Jericho

Summary: Chris has returned to the WWE to find that not all is good as it should be. His life has completely been turned upside down and he's not sure what to do. Matt is happy finally, Shawn is practically blissful. Oh and his ex boyfriend Jeff? Well he hates his guts.

Notes: Thank you JNHwwe I don't see it as being one of the best pieces of work on this site but that truly means a lot to me because I was more worried about people totally tearing me apart for doing that to Chris rather than complimenting it.

And Super T, my grandfather passed away when I was eleven after a twenty year battle with lymphoma so I definitely know how it is to see something like this happen. And Andre, who has this particular type of leukemia is one of the strongest people I know despite what is going on inside his body. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Also thank you to everyone who added me to their alerts and favourites. You're all awesome! And wow go me, two updates in one week. This fic will be ten chapters long people, so we've got five to go.

* * *

Chapter Five

Jeff wasn't that hard to find, not to someone who knew him as well as Chris did, inside and out. He'd slept for an hour and had headed to Jeff's hotel room immediately after, unsurprised to find that his ex wasn't there. It didn't mean anything though; Jeff would have known that his room would be the first person Chris would go looking for him. He clearly wanted to be left alone but that didn't mean that Chris was going to. He felt a need to explain to Jeff what was going on, to explain to him why he had been so scared to tell him about how sick he had been. It had little to do with how Jeff had been then because Chris had no doubt that with the right motivation Jeff could get clean and it had come true, only it wasn't the motivation he had really intended. He'd been more afraid that Jeff would leave him then, because Chris had been so weak at times and fighting so hard to maintain a calm and level façade that he couldn't even begin to give Jeff all that he needed and wanted.

Chris checked with the concierge and it was confirmed that not only did the hotel have roof access for guests but that it was decorated with a beautiful botanical garden to make it seem more like a park on top of the hotel then just a roof, he knew without a doubt that was where Jeff would be. He took the elevator up and walked out climbing the last set of stairs and pushing open the door for the roof he was relieved to see that no one else was there, and that the lone figure sitting hunched over on one of the park benches decorating the area seemed to be radiating sadness and not anger.

"Hey Chris," Jeff said softly without even looking up, studying the ladybug which had landed on his fingers. There were eight dots, "Did you know that the dots on the back of a ladybug fade away as they get older? So if you see one with lots of dots chances are they're actually quite young instead of old," He offered that bit of trivia, glancing up just once and then back down again.

Unable to stop the smile from spreading across his face Chris sat down on the bench beside him, Jeff had always been like, constantly telling people random facts and not caring if they needed to know that information or not. "Is that so?" He asked him; leaning back, he rested his elbows on the edge of bench's back making his muscles tense and then release.

Jeff nodded, "Did you know that you have abnormal chromosomes in your leukemia cells which never fully go away even though you've completed treatment? And that it is called a Philadelphia chromosome," His voice was dead, betraying none of what he was feeling at the moment.

Chris sighed, dropping his arms and leaning fully against the wood back. "Yeah, I know that. That's the reason why without treatment my leukemia can reoccur." He didn't know what else to say, any reassurances at this point would be empty words because he hadn't told the truth in the first place. Hell, he thought he was going to die in the first place so what did anything he said now matter.

"You didn't tell me," Jeff's voice was softer now, an edge of pain balanced there precariously almost bordering on anguish. "Why couldn't you tell me?" He asked, turning to look at Chris who resisted the urge to shrink back at the level of emotion in Jeff's eyes right then. The younger man had always felt a little too deeply and had never been able to hide what was going on in his mind.

Taking a deep breath Chris lowered his eyes, "I have many reasons. Are you sure you really want to know them all?" He asked, tilting his head to the side as he glanced back up.

Jeff nodded, "If I don't have the strength to know them now then I might never ask and I might never know what really ended our relationship and that is closure I need to be able to move on," He explained his reasoning for wanting to know the truth of what had happened between the two of them. He also wanted to be able to take some of the weight of the guilt of their break up off himself and his own shoulders. It was not as if he was going to place it immediately on Chris' but it would be nice to be able to let go a little bit, to ease up on the anger.

Chris resisted the urge to take in a deep sharp breath at Jeff's words; the last thing he wanted was for Jeff to move on. He was almost entirely sure that would ruin him, he hadn't come here to give Jeff closure or to help him move on from their relationship. He had come back to get their relationship back and make it better than It had ever been in the first place. The thought of the two of them not getting back together left a bitter taste in his mouth he couldn't even begin to stomach. He didn't want a life without Jeff in it, hell he would even settle for being just friends but it seemed like the other man was giving that up as well.

"Do you remember our song?" He asked softly, not giving Jeff an answer for the moment. Chris wanted just a little time to come up with words, anything that didn't sound insincere and rehearsed. He'd thought of what he would tell Jeff when he told him the truth a million times before but now it all sounded cheap.

Jeff looked like he was going to protest to the change of subject then nodded, "I Could Have Lied by the Red Hot Chilli Peppers," He responded, his voice hoarse but still barely above a whisper.

"I knew that I couldn't hide it from you, I knew that if you just looked at me after I went to the doctor's the jig would be up, that it would all be over as we knew it," Chris explained softly looking down at his hands. He couldn't help but smile bitterly as he thought of the words to the song, "Why did we pick such a fucking depressing song in the first place?" He asked.

"I don't know," Jeff responded, shaking his head. "You're the one who picked it; it was after you met Anthony Keidis at that bar and drunkenly told him you wanted him to have your children or something like that. It was humiliating, but I'm not sure who was more embarrassed, him or me."

"Probably you," Chris laughed softly, glancing over at Jeff with an affectionate gaze. It hurt to be unable to reach out and touch the other man, something he wanted to do so badly. It was something he would never get over he thought, remembering the feel of Jeff's smooth skin in contrast to the roughness of the hair decorating portions of his body. "You always did embarrass easily for someone who was supposed to be so wild."

Jeff nodded smiling somewhat with him, he couldn't help it. Despite all of his bitterness toward Chris he did have a soft spot for him and they had definitely had a great life together before their break up despite their issues with each other and his own issues with substance abuse.

"I still do," He admitted, shrugging his shoulders. "I don't think it's something I'm really going to get over any time soon," He murmured, rubbing the back of his neck. It was awkward to have this familiarity with someone he was so determined to push out of his life.

"There's a lot of things neither of us will get over soon," Chris rubbed his hand up and down his jean clad thighs taking a deep breath he leaned back on his elbows again and glanced up at the stars. Too many things brought up painful memories, even the glittering diamonds in the sky.

Jeff swallowed heavily and nodded, agreeing with his…ex. It still sounded wrong. "So Chris…" He began, hesitating. "You ended it because you thought I would leave you?" He asked finally, turning to study the older man's face carefully, for every nuance and expression.

Chris nodded, "I didn't know how you would handle it with everything else going on in our lives. I was scared of hurting you more than I already had in the past," He trailed off slightly, looking down at his hands.

"You didn't hurt me, well not before you left me but when did you think you hurt me?" Jeff asked his expression open and surprised as he turned his whole body so that he was facing Chris and could properly see his reactions as they spoke. Chris' honesty always lay within his face.

"I don't know specifics, but I thought I did. There had to be a reason why you were trying to hide yourself from me," Chris responded, unable to keep the confusion edged on pain out of his voice. He didn't like this feeling, like walking on unsteady ground that was about to fall out from underneath him.

Jeff shook his head, feeling miserable. That wasn't what he had been trying to do, and he felt bad that Chris thought he had been running from him or hiding from him at all.

"No Chris," He stopped, hesitating and running a hand through his hair sighing. "I wasn't trying to hide from me, and other than the obvious you never hurt me I can promise you that." He gnawed on his bottom lip feeling nervous suddenly, this was a little too open, a little too honest and he wasn't even sure if he was ready for it.

"You didn't hurt me Chris; I would have forgiven you anything, no matter what. I was just in pain all the time and it had absolutely nothing to do with you, you were the one thing in my life that I could hold onto, that made me feel happy," He told Chris, turning his head away so he didn't have to see the look on his face. He didn't want to know how Chris felt right then.

"And I took that away from you, by leaving you and not telling you the truth." Chris elaborated, sighing. He felt worse now than he had after Jeff's earlier reaction to his news. He had torn his lover apart. Piece by freaking piece. It had never been his intention. "I'm sorry Jeff, I really am." He murmured hoarsely, feeling a lump growing in his throat. It would become nothing more than that, he wouldn't cry. He'd cried enough and no longer deserved it.

Jeff nodded accepting those words and sighed softly once again, for what felt like the millionth time. He understood now Chris' determination to get him back; if he'd done the same thing he would want to get Chris back.

"What is one thing I could do for you?" He asked suddenly, not even understanding where the question was coming from or why he was asking it. "Now that we both know that life is short and anything can happen at any moment."

Chris looked baffled, "You told me you basically never wanted to talk to me again, why are you offering to do something for me?" He stood up and raised his hands as though he was going to push Jeff away, pain showing in his eyes. "Don't do this please," He requested, his voice practically pleading. "Just don't."

"What? What is it I'm doing Chris?" Jeff stood up as well, looking down slightly into Chris' eyes. "What do you think I'm trying to do here?"

"You're doing this because you think I'm dying or something, or because you pity me and you want me to feel good about everything," Chris responded sharply, turning to look out at the city. "The thing is when I saw you nothing hurt anymore and it didn't matter that I had to take far too many pills a day so I would be healthy," His voice was soft, almost a whisper.

Jeff shook his head, reaching out he grasped Chris' shoulder firmly and turned him. "I'm not Chris, maybe I've just realized now that life is too short to hold onto anger I shouldn't have had in the first place. I should have tried to talk to you but I was too much into my own head and not even thinking of you, or what my actions would show you, or do to you for that matter." He smiled, tilting his head to the side when Chris finally looked at him.

"So what can I do for you?" He asked his accent thickening as he spoke. "Just one thing." He told him, still smiling somewhat, the expression almost playing on his lips like a taunt.

"One date," Chris responded, holding a hand up to stop Jeff from speaking for the moment. "One date and if it goes well then I want a second date, something more, another chance okay?" He asked, trying to keep the hope from presenting itself in his voice even though he knew that Jeff would be able to read his face.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" He finally questioned, barely giving Jeff a moment to process what he had said and what he wanted from the younger man.

Jeff nodded slowly, his voice thick as he spoke, "One date sounds good," He replied stepping closer for a moment then backing away once again. He didn't know how to say it, his breath almost choking him. "What I want…one night…" He murmured, looking down at his feet. "That's all."

Chris' brow furrowed as he tried to figure out if Jeff was talking about one night in a sexual context or something else. "One night for what? With me, to adjust? I don't get what you're trying to say," He responded, trying not to get too excited about the prospect of one night with Jeff.

"No sex," Jeff answered, smiling at him. "I don't think it would be a good idea considering we're going on our first date soon, technically. But I would like, very much so for you to spend the night with me tonight, in my bed. If I decide to kick you out the moment the sun rises it is my choice to do so, okay?" He told Chris firmly, his tone brooking no room for an argument from his former lover.

Something inside Chris shook almost violently and he had to sit down, "I can give you that. You deserve it and if you do kick me out at the end of the night, I know I deserve it. But what about our date? When do we get to have that and is it now dependant on this night going well?" He didn't want to cancel their date but the way Jeff was talking about it as if he was giving Chris an entirely new shot.

Jeff smiled at him, reaching out just briefly to touch Chris' shoulder again; his hand rubbing against the fabric of his shirt in what he hoped was a soothing manner as Chris had just gone a rather startling shade of white and red all at the same time. "It's not dependant on our night going well. We still have a lot to work through and I know we'll need to talk about a lot, I figure we start with tonight and then on Friday we go out on our date and mention none of our past."

"A new beginning," Chris breathed, looking up at Jeff from his seated position. "You're handling this really well," He observed, amazed at Jeff and his attitude about the entire situation.

"It's not every day you find out that someone you love went through something awful and you weren't there for them because of your own selfish nature," Jeff shoved his hands in his pockets, managing to look humble and happy all at the same time. "I didn't mean to be one of the things that would destroy us, I hope you understand that."

Chris nodded, standing up and gesturing to the door. "I understand that, you couldn't control what you were going through when we were together any more than I could. It's just nice to know that I wasn't responsible for it," He explained his reasoning for being so calm as well. "Are you okay now? I mean I know we talked in the hallway…well sort of…"

Jeff licked his lips and shrugged his shoulders, "Let's talk about this when you come to my room." He slipped Chris the spare keycard and headed down the stairway while Chris waited for the elevator, a stunned expression on his face.

* * *

Chris had never moved faster in his life, he walked into the elevator and all but ran down the hallway toward his own room, throwing whatever he could find and didn't look completely grungy into a bag and ran toward Jeff's room, walking sedately for the last few doors before his ex-lover's. When he reached it he opened it slowly, "Jeff?" He called; walking into the room, he was not surprised to find it in an almost fantastic state of disarray.

"You didn't expect that to change did you?" Jeff asked walking out of the bathroom with a toothbrush hanging from his mouth. It warmed something inside of Chris to see that because it was something he'd seen every morning and night, sometimes during the day for so long. It was a comfort.

"No I guess certain things never do change about people," Chris commented, sitting on the edge of the bed and picking up two of Jeff's t-shirts he began folding them perfectly, setting them on the edge of the bed. He picked up two more and folded them methodically; it was something that could relax him because his mind wasn't required to do it.

Jeff went back into the bathroom without giving Chris an answer to finish brushing his teeth. When he was done he sauntered out to the bedroom and leaned against the wall watching Chris with a small smile, "I guess some things really don't change. I do laundry but never fold it, you don't do laundry because you hate it but chances are you'll fold and spray dirty things in an effort to make them feel and look clean."

"Yeah," Chris ducked his head but shot a grin in Jeff's direction regardless. "So are you going to answer my question?" He asked, smile slipping away gradually.

"I'm okay Chris, I won't be stupid and lie, I won't say that I'm perfect all the time and I never think about taking more pills than I should, or smoking something I shouldn't because when I have bad days they are really fucking bad. But it lessens with time as I figure out better ways to deal with it," Jeff explained softly.

"And today?" Chris had to ask, his voice barely carrying across the room.

"A bad fucking day," Jeff responded, moving across the room to sit on the bed next to Chris, tucking the folded t-shirts away in his suitcase.

Chris just nodded, continuing to fold he had a feeling what was going on. "And how are you dealing with it?" The question fell from his lips before he even knew what was going on, but since the lecture about honesty, he couldn't help himself. Jeff had really gotten through to him about his actions in a way no one not even his own family had been able to do.

Jeff thought about whether or not he should answer that question for a little while, gnawing on his lip ring a little bit as he continued packing away the clothes Chris was folding persistently. The room already looked cleaner and it made him smile, "Well you're here aren't you?"

Making a soft noise Chris lifted his head, "What? I…Oh…" He nodded in realization, handing another small pile of clothing to Jeff to pack away, his hand brushed Jeff's and he hissed softly, an exhale of air through pursed lips. It was a surprise, "So I'm your coping mechanism." He observed, finally finishing his task he didn't bother picking up the non-clothing items littering the floor, a cd case there, a napkin covered in Jeff's handwriting…

"Chris Jericho, my anti-drug," Jeff joked weakly, shrugging his shoulders he found himself getting a little worried when he realized he for once couldn't seem to get a grasp on what Chris was thinking. Had he angered the older man or hurt him in some way? The progress they had made in a few mere hours was amazing and he didn't want to ruin it by being stupid and finally deciding to be honest and open about the mistakes he had made.

Chris grinned and leaned over toward Jeff, inhaling his scent briefly with eyes closed before he pressed dry but soft lips to Jeff's cheek gently. "Any time you need me just call, my phone number has never changed, and there will never be a reason again that I won't be here when you need me to be here do you get it?"

Jeff turned his head, searching Chris' eyes for answers to questions he hadn't even known he'd been asking since he'd first seen the other man in the hallway. It was different, inviting Chris to his room boldly while they were out on the roof without anyone around after a vivid confrontation and having him there. It was Jeff's space even though it was temporary, and Chris had only been tentatively let in once before.

"I get it," He smiled, this time it actually reached his eyes and he could feel warmth growing on the inside. "I get it now, everything." He leaned forward as well but instead of pressing a kiss to Chris' cheek, he kissed him firmly on the lips, resisting the urge to gasp at the immediate feeling of electricity flowing through him.

Chris returned the kiss almost right after Jeff started it, sitting up he wasn't surprised when Jeff moved with him, and the Carolinian was always good like that. He cupped the back of Jeff's neck and deepened it, not forcing it to be more than what Jeff wanted it to be, his tongue slipping out and sliding along the cool metal of the new lip ring he did that for a few moments until it forced a groan from the other man's lips and he decided that the new addition was something he really liked. He slid his tongue into Jeff's mouth and explored for moments, Jeff still used the same toothpaste and that caused him to pull back and smile.

"You get it," He whispered, his chest heaving even though the kiss hadn't been that long. Even the slightest touch from Jeff had the ability to leave him without air and gasping for breath. "I'm so glad you finally get it," He murmured, squeezing Jeff's hand when it joined with his own.

"Yeah, well I can be pretty damn stupid at times, you should know that. It comes honestly though, Matt is pretty fucking dumb at times too, drives me insane." Jeff slipped his hand out of Chris', "Left side?"

Chris nodded, standing up to remove his jeans as Jeff walked around the bed and slipped under the covers. He watched him lay there for a moment then tugged his t-shirt over his head, slipping beneath the covers on his own side of the bed he sighed when Jeff moved immediately to grasp at his hip, one arm slung over his waist. "Thank you." He murmured exhaustion almost pulling him down into sleep right then.

"You don't need to thank me, you knew this would happen all along you arrogant jackass," Jeff's playful voice dragged him down into sleep and he let out a sigh when his eyes finally slid shut.


	6. Chapter 6

Title: The Return of the Millennium

Rating: R to be safe

Pairing: Mark Calloway/Matt Hardy, CM Punk/Shawn Michaels, past Jeff Hardy/Chris Jericho

Summary: The truth has come out about why Chris left, and now things seem to be fine between Jeff and Chris but will that even matter with all of that has happened between the two of them?

Author's Notes: This chapter took me so damn long, or at the very least much longer than I intended for it too. It is written in three parts which are clearly marked with separate titles which for some may interrupt the flow. Another thing is one of my muses, technically two really threw me for a loop in the end of this.

_**Chapter Six**_

* * *

**Realization and Teasing in the Morning Light**

Jeff hadn't been so comfortable in a hotel bed in the morning since the beginning of his and Chris' relationship, but waking up with the older man pressed against his back was phenomenal, warm and protective feelings flooded through him. It was nice like this, the suspension of all the worry and bitterness until reality settled in. He let out a soft sigh and his eyes slid closed once again as he enjoyed the smooth feeling of Chris' skin against his, taking in the comfort.

"That's a happy face if I ever s aw one," Chris observed, blue eyes hazy and voice roughened by sleep. "And now it's gone," His arms tightened momentarily around Jeff. "What's wrong?" He questioned, lifting his arm when Jeff moved as though to roll over.

"Well," Jeff rolled to face him, drawing the word out slowly and deliberately thickening his accent in the process. "I was just amazed," He managed to keep the mischief out of his voice. He licked his lips and cleared his throat, staring at Chris.

Chris would be damned if his eyes didn't follow Jeff's actions hungrily, "Amazed at what?" He asked, arching an eyebrow.

"How much better you look when your mouth isn't open," Jeff responded quickly, a smirk growing across his lips. "I mean seriously, do you ever shut up?"

Staring at Jeff Chris gaped for a moment, the corners of his mouth twitching before he laughed and hauled Jeff close hugging him, it felt nice to have Jeff in his arms once again but he couldn't help the nagging feeling that something still might go wrong, that something was going to go wrong. He pushed that feeling aside and kissed Jeff softly on the lips.

"Much better," Jeff murmured against his lips before deepening the kiss with a quick press of his lips. "This is a good way to quiet you for sure," He slid his tongue along Chris' bottom lip then into his mouth gently exploring. It felt good and burned something inside of him, something that needed to be burnt away in order for him to heal.

"You're not doing this just because you're under some illusion that I'm going to drop dead at any minute are you?" Chris asked, pulling back so that he could look Jeff in the eyes and winced when he saw instant anger and hurt fill the younger man's eyes. "Never mind, I got my answer," He kissed his forehead gently.

"I just had my eyes opened by a horrible truth," Jeff murmured but pushed him away gently regardless. "I need to go train for my match and you should probably go get some rest I know you didn't sleep all that well last night, you kept tossing and turning. Pick me up at eight," He kissed him softly on the lips then climbed out of bed.

"For sure I'll be there to pick you up," Chris winked at him, relaxing back in the bed. "I might just relax here," He told him softly, already lying back on the bed and closing his eyes.

Jeff studied him and smiled somewhat, it was hard to be bitter or hurt by what happened when he was sitting here watching Chris sleep like an angel although he knew the older man was more devilish than anything. "I hope you don't make me regret loving you again," He whispered softly then made his way from the room once he was finished dressing.

Chris' eyes slid open and he cast a pained glance at the door as it closed. It was hard to explain. He knew he had made a mistake before, but he wasn't sure now if he should even continue to pursue this. Would he end up just hurting himself and Jeff more? The last thing he wanted to do was hurt the younger man, as he had honestly believed through most of their relationship that Jeff deserved better than what he could've given him. He wasn't too dumb to admit that one of the reasons he wanted Jeff back with him was because he was selfish and it was one of the few times he had been happy with everything.

Closing his eyes, he settled down in the bed, enjoying the smell of Jeff's cologne and deodorant surrounding him along with something that was so distinctly Jeff. It was comforting to him and helped to quiet the thoughts he didn't need to try and comprehend at that moment. He needed rest, and he had the feeling that now that the most important people in his life knew the truth that if he didn't get it he would have hell to pay.

* * *

**Contemplation and Love**

Mark stared contemplatively down at his lover, propped up on his elbow as his other hand ran gently up and down the younger man's side carefully. His fingers ghosted along the skin just briefly, nails scraping it. He didn't know what exactly he was looking for in Matt's expression, a sign of sadness perhaps, or something more. He didn't really know how to react to Chris' news at all, it was sad he knew that but when he searched inside of himself for something more he came up empty and confused trying to figure out if he was reading too much into his own emotions or if he just hadn't let everything sink in quite yet.

"How are you feeling about all this?" He finally asked Matt, shifting closer on the bed his eyes still ever so watchful. He felt a rush of warmth fill him when Matt moved closer as well and rolled onto his side so he was properly facing Mark.

Matt shrugged his shoulders and pecked him on the lips sweetly, "I don't know how I'm feeling to be honest, I'm leaning more toward angry and helpless at the moment I think," He admitted, his voice taking on an edge of anger as he spoke about his feelings. Part of him was angry because Chris had this to deal with and therefore so did his little brother and the other part of him was angry because Chris hadn't owned up and told them about it in the first place.

"I don't think Chris was fully thinking about what his actions would do to others when he left," Mark mused aloud like he had been listening in on Matt's thoughts all along. "I think he was scared, imagine something like that happened to you? You were fine and all of a sudden your entire world came crashing down around you, you got told you were dying."

Shuddering at the thought Matt moved into Mark's arms easily when they were offered to him, glad for once that he wouldn't have to be a constant strength in this relationship. It would be equal, except for sexually, when it came down to it. Give and take, two men who respected each other and admired each other, "You're right," He conceded, sighing as though it was awful for someone else to be right but it was actually nice to see.

"Matt Hardy, admitting someone else might be right about something? Well isn't that just amazing," Mark commented in a teasing tone of voice, pushing Matt's frizzy/curly hair away from his face and lowering his lips to the other man's. "Now how about we talk about something else," He told him, figuring since both of them had been puzzling over the situation of Chris for most of the night that they could use a break.

Matt nodded in agreement, pushing himself up into the kiss and tangling his fingers in Mark's hair as well, "How about we stop talking altogether Deadman?" He couldn't believe he'd managed to get that sentence out without stuttering or fleeing from the room but apparently, someone was working with him.

Mark grinned, "Sounds damn good to me if you don't mind," He lowered his mouth back to Matt's and tugged the sheets up around them. Sometimes it was good to be at the top of the world, especially with a man like Matt at his side.

* * *

**Fear and Life**

Phil wandered through the hallway pondering everything that had transpired between his newfound friends, and with his lover the night before. It was surprising to say the least, mind you, he hadn't been working with Chris then, but he'd been to shows and had never even noticed that the other man looked ill. It was scary how everything could change in a single moment like that, one minute someone you cared about and respected was doing okay and the next minute they were sickly in a way you couldn't even imagine.

Noticing Jeff heading down the hallway almost passing him Phil reached out carefully and tugged on the sleeve of his jacket getting his attention he smiled quickly before falling into step next to him, "You doing okay this morning?" He asked cautiously, not sure how to broach the subject with the other man but feeling compelled to see if he was doing alright with everything that had transpired the night before.

Jeff smiled at him, not taking offense to what could be taking as a truly personal question. Phil always seemed like such a respectful and quiet person, it was nice to have him around and he'd helped Jeff out with quitting the drugs permanently and now Jeff barely even thought about them and when he did he knew he could call Phil.

"I'm doing really well this morning actually," Jeff shoved his hands in his pockets and grinned wider. "Chris and I resolved a lot of the issues we'd had to work through before this even started and we're going on a date tonight," He told him happily, seeming like he was on cloud nine for the moment. It was nice to feel this happy, this elated once again and know that it had nothing to do with any chemical or anything he could put in his body.

Phil couldn't help but smile back at Jeff, "That's great to hear Jeff; I hope everything works out for you. You both deserve to be happy and I think you can really find that with each other," He told him softly, appreciative of his friend's happiness and the struggle it took to get there and be content, or at the very least working toward contentment with Chris.

"You mean like you and Shawn have?" Jeff asked, nudging his friend and winking although he laughed at himself in the end and not Phil.

Unable to explain the pang of discomfort that shot through him at Jeff's words Phil forced a smile onto his face, "Yeah, like Shawn and I have. So where's Chris now? I'd like to talk to him and check up on him, that is, if you think he wouldn't mind?" He checked with Jeff to make sure.

"He's in my room resting but go on ahead, I think he'd appreciate knowing that someone wants to check on him and cares, I know I appreciate it when you do it," Jeff slapped him on the back. "I've gotta get going," He told him before heading down the hallway.

Phil turned back the other way and headed toward Jeff's room, a little apprehensive but less than he had been before he talked to Jeff. He knocked on the door and was surprised when Chris answered the door almost immediately, "Hey Chris, I just came to see how you're doing," He informed him, shifting from foot to foot.

Chris stepped away from the door with a small smile and gestured for him to enter, "That's nice of you. Did you want to order some breakfast or something? I was just thinking of getting some myself and I don't like to eat alone." He offered, smothering a yawn with one hand.

"Sure, I wouldn't mind some breakfast," Phil replied easily, stepping into the room and looking around. It was a standard hotel room and Chris looked as though he'd slept in most of his clothes, which was something he didn't know why he was preoccupied with. He picked up the room service menu off the couch as he eased himself down onto the cushions and flipped through it.

Sitting down next to Phil Chris let out a soft sigh and ran his hand through his hair, "Sometimes I forget how exhausting it can be just to be in a hotel, I spent so much time at home I barely know what to do with myself. But then again it wasn't the happiest time," His smile was half bitter and he seemed to almost be talking more to himself then to the man sitting next to him.

Phil nodded, feeling nothing but sympathy for the man sitting next to him. "Do you want to talk about it? I've been told I'm a good listener and I wouldn't tell anyone anything you told me."

Chris' smile turned from bitter to slightly amused in a matter of seconds, "I believe you, I've heard nothing but good things about you actually, I was beginning to think you were more myth than man," He commented slyly.

Laughing softly Phil shook his head, "Don't believe everything you hear, maybe I've just silenced those who would say bad things about me," He responded, "Actually I've been trying to keep out of trouble since I started working here, I don't want to get fired from my dream job or make anymore enemies than I already have after all."

"You have a lot of enemies? Like who?" Chris couldn't help but asked, it wasn't like he was trying to avoid the original topic, he just constantly felt the need to know more. It was one of the reasons he'd done so well when getting his degree in journalism, he was curious and had a drive for knowledge.

Phil shrugged his shoulders, "Hunter used to dislike me before he learned what I was all about, it was interesting there for a little while especially when Shawn and I started dating. I think he thought I was going to try and take his best friend away from him but I would never do something like that, considering my own closeness with my friends from ROH."

Chris nodded as though he knew what Phil was talking about, and he did. He'd been through a song and dance with Hunter almost since he had started in the company, the other man wanting to remain on top and not liking anyone at first but he had warmed up to him in subsequent years with Shawn's influence.

"Don't worry about him so much, he's a big soft in the end who doesn't know what he's doing half the time," He kidded, waving his hand in the air as though he was ignoring that whole situation. "Anyone else?" He tilted his head to the side.

"Some of the ECW guys didn't like me too well but that's like entering an exclusive club or something, they didn't like a lot of the newest people who were brought in to push the brand up a little bit. I guess I don't have as many enemies here as I originally thought I did, now that I actually try and list them," Phil shrugged, turning his eyes back to Chris from the television which was playing some cheesy eighties horror movie.

Chris took a deep breath allowing his smile to slip from his face he realized that Phil wouldn't be one of the people he would have to try and bullshit around, pretending to be happy. In fact since Jeff had left the room his parting words had been weighing on Chris' mind like someone had planted a small bomb there and detonated it, sending the emotions he would normally have shoved away surging through him.

"You wanna talk?" Phil asked again, leaning back, dark eyes watchful and serious now that he saw the unhappy look on Chris' face. "I can be impartial I promise."

Nodding Chris reached for the phone, "Let's just order breakfast first. I have some meds I need to take and they make me sick if I take them on an empty stomach," He explained, "What did you want?"

"Full breakfast with extra crispy bacon," Phil replied, turning the volume down on the television so that Chris would be able to hear whoever was on the other line.

Chris ordered the food and then turned, pulling his leg up onto the couch so he was sitting facing Phil, "I was living alone for the first time in a while, with as far as I knew, no friends and I wouldn't allow my family near me. I had broken things off with Jeff in the worst possible way and it was like I craved him as though he were a drug," He lowered his eyes to his hands.

"I wanted him to be with me, especially since I was so scared of what was happening in my life but it was like there was something holding me back and I didn't realize until I was too late that it was my own fear that he would abandon me because of this. I realize now of course that the assumption I made then, that he would leave me over something that seems equally trivial and life changing all at the same time is one of the most hurtful things I ever could have done to him." He sighed softly, wishing he had been smarter when he'd gotten his diagnosis.

"You needed the time to yourself, to cope and try and deal with the news you'd just gotten Chris. I'm sure I would have done the same thing were Shawn in the same kind of condition that Jeff was in then," Phil replied, leaning over to rest his hand gently on Chris' ankle, rubbing it carefully for comfort. "You were doing what you thought was right at the time and you should never regret it."

Chris nodded and managed a weak smile, "I'm sure you're right but I can't help myself. Jeff has and probably always be one area of my life that can be considered a major weakness. He is the love I only ever heard of in fairy tales growing up; a regular Prince Charming but the only problem is when things go wrong with Prince Charming they go horribly wrong. But this time I'm going to do everything I can to stop that from happening," He rested his hand over Phil's and squeezed, indicating he was glad for someone who would listen. "I just, sometimes…" He trailed off, looking reluctant to say what he had to say.

Phil couldn't help but wonder if the two of them were on the verge of coming to the conclusion of something amazing and he was torn. "Sometimes?" He echoed in a questioning voice.

"Sometimes I wonder if Jeff and I are really meant to be, or if there's something missing there. It's not something big but it's just a small little piece of the puzzle, you know what I mean?" Chris leaned closer as his voice softened; not even seeming to realize what he was doing anymore. Phil's eyes were so dark, so serious. It was a contrast from the eyes he'd fallen in love with, Jeff's eyes which could seem almost catlike and secretive.

Cupping Chris' cheek Phil stroked his thumb along the other man's cheekbone carefully, feeling almost as though the bone was brittle under the skin. "I know what you mean," He breathed before sealing his lips over Chris', not really surprised when the world melted around them.

Chris returned the kiss, taking in the warmth of Phil's mouth, the way the other man's tongue nudged at his lips before he finally accepted it. The cool of the lip ring was something he would have to get used to especially since Jeff…Jeff…his eyes flew open and he pulled away abruptly, standing up.

"Oh shit," Phil breathed, standing up as well he put his hands in the air. "Oh fuck," He swore again, running his hand through his hair. "Chris I didn't mean for that to happen, I'm so sorry," He apologized softly, stepping back as though he was worried if he got too close to Chris the two of them would end up kissing again.

"Jeff…oh god," Chris shook his head rapidly, blinking almost owlishly as he tried to figure out what had just happened. "We can't tell anyone." He told him, "Jeff told me he hoped I never make him regret loving me again and this could ruin absolutely everything. I don't want to lose him and I'm sure you don't want to lose Shawn over some stupid kiss that happened because you were trying to comfort me."

Phil nodded in agreement, swiping his hand along his mouth like he could still taste Chris there. "You're right, it was just a stupid little mistake. Something that happened just because you were feeling vulnerable and I wanted to help you out, it will never happen again and I won't say a word," He held his hands up. "I better go though, just in case. Shawn will be wondering where I am," He explained his reasoning before hurrying out of the room.

He slumped against the wall beside the door the minute it closed, unable to believe what had just transpired. It was so out of character for him that it left him in complete and utter shock, with an inability to comprehend the situation.

Chris sank down onto the couch, holding his head in his hands. Jeff would hate him.

"That's what I'm missing," Both of them murmured to themselves.


	7. Chapter 7

Title: The Return of the Millennium

Rating: Soft R

Pairings: Phil Brooks/Shawn Michaels, Jeff Hardy/Chris Jericho, Matt Hardy/Mark Calloway (The Undertaker)

Summary: Things were just starting to come together and now they might be falling apart. What will happen to everyone now that mistakes have been made?

**IMPORTANT PLEASE READ:**

So this is my apology for doing what I did in the last chapter. It is something I hoped I would never do and the reason I am considering leaving the wrestling fandom as soon as I finish what I have to finish.

Don't get me wrong, I love this fandom, I truly do. But at other times I hate it. Some pairings, some stories get tonnes of attention and others don't. People are disrespected as writers for writing certain people and pairings while others are revered, no matter how skilled either writer is.

Last chapter I catered to what I thought everyone would like, the great scandal, the great mix up that always seemed to get so many reactions in every other fic. It was frightening to me and I have to admit I felt so damn ashamed. It was shocking, and it almost made me physically ill because I'd become one of the lowest common denominators in writing, someone who writes only for reviews, for reaction instead of for themselves.

So for those of you who have read this fic prior to that chapter and enjoyed it I hope you will continue to read. But please understand I will not retract that portion because it was a lesson I needed to learn I think.

So this is a chapter written for me, for no one but myself as it should be. And if someone of you like it then thank you.

**NOW ONTO THE FIC!**

_**Confrontation and Honesty**_

Phil stood out in the hallway for a few moments, thinking about what had just happened he took a deep breath. It was wrong, completely and horribly wrong, what had just happened between Chris and him. Sure, he had admired the other man for much of Chris' career, and seeing the strength he displayed in facing something as scary as cancer he could only admire him more. He considered him a friend and he didn't know why he'd moved closer to him with the intent of hopefully receiving a kiss. As of late, he had found himself unhappy in his relationship with Shawn but had been unable to pinpoint why. Did he really have feelings for Chris? No he didn't think so, but perhaps that is what he needed to know in the first place to move on with his life.

Stepping away from the wall Phil knocked on Chris' door, Jeff was one of his closest friends, and he wouldn't lie to him like this. He'd always been a man of morality and that wasn't going to change now, when Chris opened the door he pushed past him not caring if he seemed rude for once because the situation quite frankly called for a little rudeness in his mind.

"I won't lie to them," He told Chris in a rush, holding his hands up when the other man tried to protest. "And you shouldn't either, after all you are trying to start things off with Jeff again and honesty is seriously the best policy in something like this, and it's not like you two are fully back together and it was just one kiss because I was feeling bad for you."

Chris listened patiently, or with as much patience as he could muster in a situation like this. "You're right, I should tell him but how am I supposed to do that? I've betrayed him before." He sighed softly, hating that he was wrong once again, hating that he had done something wrong that could end up hurting Jeff horrible if he wasn't careful for the second time.

Phil shook his head, "I know you're scare of hurting him but he has to understand that you're not infallible, you're human and you're going to make mistakes. It was a moment when we were both emotional, I wanted to comfort you, and you wanted to take comfort. We just both went about doing so in the wrong way that's all; tell him to come talk to me if he has a problem." He patted Chris on the shoulder and turned on his heel walking out of the room.

Standing in the center of the room Chris felt more than a little lost as everything ran through his head at a pace he almost couldn't comprehend. He knew logically, that Phil was right and that he couldn't lie to Jeff about this or hide this from him when he had already hidden something important in his life. "Please forgive me," He pleaded with Jeff even though the other man wasn't there. He didn't know what to do, and could only imagine how hard this would be.

Picking up his coat Chris pulled it on and headed out the door quickly, hopefully he would be able to catch up with Jeff before they had their date because he didn't want the evening to end in disaster. Hell, after he told Jeff what happened there might not end up being a date at all.

_**Honest: Is it the best policy?**_

Phil had never had to sneak into his hotel room after something like this in his life, and he hated the feeling now. It felt wrong and dirty and when heard Shawn's husky laugh at something he was watching on the television he felt even worse. Shawn had never been anything but happy in their relationship together as far as he knew.

"How is Chris doing?" Shawn asked, turning the volume down on the television as Phil entered the living area. He patted the couch beside him and smiled, "Come sit and tell me all about it."

Nodding Phil moved to sit next to him, almost entirely sure that his guilt showed on his face and in his eyes. He was never really good at hiding his emotions from people he cared about and he did love Shawn, he loved Shawn even more now that he realized that his feelings for Chris were nothing but platonic and he couldn't believe that he'd even doubted their relationship. When Shawn reached for his hand, he went easily then squeezed before slipping his hand out of the older man's, looking down.

Shawn frowned, shifting around he pressed his leg against Phil's and tried to get a good look into his face, "What's wrong? Did something happen?" He asked, trying to figure out what was going on. He doubted Chris would have yelled or been mean to Phil but the way he was acting possibly said otherwise.

"I'm so sorry," Phil murmured hoarsely, fidgeting in a way he hadn't since he'd done his first promo in wrestling. "I made a horrible mistake," He cleared his throat and ran his hands along his legs. "I've never done anything like this before and it was a misunderstanding and I felt like I was missing something from our relationship but I wasn't and I feel horrible that it took kissing Chris for me to find that out. Please forgive me," He'd never spoken that fast in his life.

Spine ramrod straight Shaw sat up and looked at him, trying to figure out what exactly he was feeling. Phil had kissed Chris, that was…startling but when he thought about it…It wasn't. Phil had always respected Chris, "What exactly happened?" He asked slowly, feeling oddly calm and settled about the whole situation as it was happening. It was just a kiss. He hoped it was just a kiss.

"We were talking about his relationship with Jeff and how sometimes it felt like there was something missing there, and how I sometimes felt like that too when it came to you and me," Phil sighed and ran a hand through his hair, his mind moving rapidly. "I just…He looked so sad and so sick, I moved closer to comfort him, and I guess we both went a little too far when it came to giving and taking that comfort." He didn't know how else to explain it, hell he couldn't even wrap his head around what happened.

Shawn nodded, reaching out slowly he took Phil's hand. "Did you find what you were missing?" He asked calmly, stroking the back of Phil's hand with his thumb in what he hoped was a soothing motion as his young lover looked ready to get up and flee the room at any moment.

Phil nodded, squeezing Shawn's hand lightly with a weak smile. "The realization of my feelings for you," He replied, moving closer when he realized that Shawn wasn't going to freak out about what he had done. It was nice to know, "I guess…" He shrugged his shoulders.

"I think that now would be the best time for you to be honest don't you? Please don't hold anything back," Shawn told him calmly, not wanting Phil to clam up now, he wanted the truth about what had happened and appreciated that he'd heard it thus far. He couldn't exactly get mad at Phil otherwise he would be a hypocrite because although he had never kissed someone else while dating Phil he had kissed Phil while still with his previous partner.

"I was scared of what was happening between the two of us and wasn't sure if I could trust you or myself to go through with this kind of commitment," Phil said almost entirely in one breath, avoiding looking at Shawn. "And now I know that I can trust you, and since I told Chris it was all a big mistake and I feel nothing for him that I can trust myself with the decisions I make about my love life. I can trust you to help me through anything I have to go through," He murmured. "That is…if you'll still have me after what I did?"

Shawn smiled and pecked him on the lips very briefly, "Why wouldn't I want you still? You made a mistake, and yes, you may have stepped out of your lifestyle. Although to be honest, I don't think you did because it was just a kiss, but you are not infallible. You are human and human beings make mistakes and they learn from them." He took Phil's other hand and smiled. "And I think you're punishing yourself up here," He tapped his young lover's temple briefly, "More than I could ever punish you."

Phil smiled weakly and blinked rapidly, "Thank you," He breathed, practically weakened with relief that Shawn wasn't going to break up with him. "How come you're not angry?" He couldn't help but ask.

"I've done much worse, and you are clearly in love with me," Shawn responded mock arrogantly and kissed him softly on the lips. "So how about we go out for lunch?" He asked, arching his eyebrow.

Phil couldn't help but still feel a little bit stunned about Shawn's understanding of the matter, he nodded slowly and stood up when Shawn did and offered his hand to him. "Thank you," He kissed him firmly, "I love you," The words were choked, as he had never been that good at saying them in the first place and the situation made it even harder in some ways yet delightfully easy in others.

_**Fessing Up and Facing Your Mistakes**_

It wasn't that hard to find Jeff Hardy if you knew where to look for him, which was what Chris was counting on once again when it came to finding his former lover. He ended up tracking him down in the gym, on his way to the showers and stopped him by gently grabbing his arm above his elbow he waited patiently while the younger man pulled his headphones out of his ears and turned to him with a small smile on his face.

Chris hated the thought of being the one to make that smile disappear, "We need to talk," He told him softly, tugging him away from the door gently. "Is that okay?" He asked, sounding anxious even to himself. "And I'd like to apologize, in advance because you are going to hate me." He lowered his eyes, clearly ashamed.

Jeff's shoulders dropped forward and he looked at Chris, no hope in his eyes just bleakness. "What did you do Chris?" He crossed his arms over his chest and tried to control the tremours that wanted to take over his body. It was hard not to take a step back but he could see that whatever had Chris looking so sorry that he would try his hardest to forgive him for whatever.

"I kissed Phil," Chris told him, voice rough as though he hadn't been speaking much when really he'd been rehearsing whatever it was that he would have to say to Jeff to make sure the younger man knew how sorry he was for what he had done because he definitely felt bad for it. "It wasn't…a big kiss." He fought for the words to explain but suddenly, despite his degree and grasp of the English language they were no longer there.

"I can shower in my room." Jeff said tersely, stepping away from the door to the showers, he hefted his bag up onto his shoulder. "Come on, you're going to explain to me exactly what kind of kiss it was and how kissing someone when you've sworn you love me isn't "big,"' He resisted the urge to shove past Chris on his way out of the gym because violence didn't solve anything no matter how much he wanted to partake in it in that moment.

Chris followed along behind him silently upstairs and into Jeff's room, sighing softly when Jeff turned to look at him. "I was upset about the past, and I guess some of my insecurities about everything we'd been through and everything I couldn't be for you returned and I ended up freaking out and I kissed him. But we both know it was wrong because I love you and he loves Shawn and believe me it was no more than five seconds, it was like the minute my lips touched his it felt wrong," He ignored the fact that it hadn't been the very minute Phil's lips had touched his. It had been several moments later, when he realized that he loved Jeff more than anyone.

"So I take you back and you immediately fuck it up by kissing not only another guy but one of my close and trusted friends," Jeff shouted at him, whirling on his heel to face Chris as he paced the room. "How could you Chris?"

Running a hand through his hair Chris sighed softly and tossed his hands in the air shrugging his shoulders, "I don't know." He murmured, eyes cast toward the ground before something seemed to snap into place. "But you cannot fucking judge me for this Jeff," He'd never heard so much anger in his own voice before, not since the doctor had told him his diagnosis. "Because you can't pretend like you're some saint in all of this, that you never did anything wrong when we were together."

Jeff frowned, his lips twisting slightly as he did so. "What the hell are you talking about? You don't know anything about what I was going through when we were together."

"Oh please," Chris scoffed, practically shaking with the fury he suddenly felt, it was ridiculous. "So I didn't see you on your knees for Randy Orton after a night of taking god knows what where I had looked in nearly every hotel room for you, only to find you with him." He spat, having held onto the anger for that for so long that suddenly he felt completely empty. It was hard to grasp, the coldness creeping in on him.

Chris turned away, sighing softly his shoulders slumped. He shouldn't have said a word, he knew better than to let his anger get ahead of him like he just had. This was Jeff he was talking to, someone he considered to be both precious and breakable all at the same time. He knew it was the truth, because he had seen Jeff break before.

Jeff swallowed heavily and sat down on the edge of the bed slowly, almost as though he was frightened his legs would give out from underneath him. He hadn't known Chris had seen that, but the fact that Chris had stayed with him for at least a month after spoke volumes in his world. It was loud and clear, almost violently clear.

"I guess we've both made mistakes we need to be forgiven for," He murmured, looking down at his hands and the chipped polish, which spread across his nails.

Chris chuckled, the sound almost bitter as it passed his lips. He had changed, Jeff could see suddenly. This Chris wouldn't allow things to go back to what they had been before, and Jeff had no doubt in his mind that Chris wouldn't even hesitate to walk away should he fall to pieces again.

"That's the difference between you and me Jeff," Chris told him softly, sitting down next to him he placed his hand gently on top of Jeff's. "I forgive people before they do bad things, I give them the benefit of the doubt but you don't. You've automatically set up yourself and the people around you to fail before they even try to get close to you; it's a lot of pressure." He squeezed Jeff's hand then let go, standing back up again, he squared his shoulders.

"I apologized for my mistake, for doing something like that to you so soon after a moment that to me was pure bliss." He smiled sadly, his eyes reflecting every emotion he was feeling right then as he looked at Jeff. "But on your part I think it was pity, you aren't ready to forgive me for what I did to you. You're not ready to forgive me for being sick, or for leaving you before and lying about why I did it. Understand though that almost everything I've done in the last four years was to protect you, and all I've ever wanted to do is see you happy. When I kissed Phil I was looking for something that I couldn't get from you, that you weren't able to give me and I found it there but realized it meant nothing if it wasn't coming from you." He walked to the door, his hand on the knob but he couldn't seem to turn it.

"What was it you were looking for?" Jeff asked in a choked voice, feeling like there was something squeezing the air out of him right then. A force he couldn't begin to stop because he knew the truth of what Chris was saying, he knew that it had been pity that had driven him into Chris' arms. As much as he loved Chris, he wasn't ready to go back to him, no matter how short the other man's time was. It would spoil what time Chris had left, spoil whatever they would have together because it wouldn't be true.

Chris looked over his shoulder at Jeff and let out a soft huff of air, "Honesty. It's all I've ever wanted from you Jeff; it's all I've ever asked." He paused, licking his lips which suddenly seemed so dry. "I've lived enough lies in my life, and I've lived yours for you now for years. It's something I'm too weak to hold onto and too weak to grasp at right now." He turned the knob and slowly made his way out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

Jeff buried his face in his hands and took in a sharp breath. "Honesty…" He murmured to himself then flopped back on the bed, not caring that he needed a shower as his mind whirred. First, he would have to learn how to be honest with himself…


End file.
